When to Use This Tool:

Use this reflection exercise when you're feeling stuck in self-criticism, low self-worth, or shame. It's especially helpful after a difficult experience, during periods of self-doubt, or when you're trying to cultivate greater self-compassion.

Why This Matters:

Many of us speak to ourselves far more harshly than we would ever speak to someone we love. This exercise helps bring that inner dialogue into awareness, creating space for a shift. By recognizing the voice of your inner critic and practicing self-talk rooted in kindness, you begin to rewire your brain for greater emotional safety and resilience.

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Uncovering Your Inner Critic

It can be difficult to truly acknowledge how hard we are on ourselves until it’s written down. The goal of this exercise is to uncover your inner critic and to start extending the same compassion you’d show a good friend to yourself.

Instructions:

Part I

Write down an example of a time when you felt bad about yourself recently, and what your inner dialogue looked like in that moment. Did you question your worthiness? Regret past decisions? What words ran through your head as you analyzed the situation? Write down as much as you can remember.

Part II

Write down an example of a time you comforted a close friend who was feeling bad about themselves. What did you say to them? What words did you use when they questioned their own worthiness or past decisions? Write down as much as you can remember.

Part III

Compare what you wrote in Part I with what you wrote in Part II, and reflect on how they differ. Why do you think these two responses are different? Do you think they should be?

Part IV

Revisit the situation you described in Part I, but this time imagine treating yourself the same way you would treat the person in Part II. Re-write the dialogue of what you might say to comfort yourself.